The fruit of everything good in life, begins… with a challenge.
So it’s 100% over with my on-and-off boyfriend of three years. And I mean I guess that means I’m back ‘dating.’ Why is it that people should feel like they’re either ‘in a relationship’ or ‘dating’? Why can’t you just be ‘chilling’. Well I mean… I guess you technically CAN, but nobody says it really do they?
So anyway, I went on a date last week – my third Tinder date in history. After a night of dumplings, ice-cream and maybe-too-much-wine, he asked me ‘so what are you on Tinder for?’ Now the OLD me would have said ‘I don’t really know’ …but actually meant ‘to meet the love of my life’.
But Jenna circa October 4th 2017 said ‘I don’t really know’ – and 100% meant it.
I have no idea really, I don’t want a boyfriend, nor do I want to sleep with some random from an online dating app the first night I meet him. I think all I wanted was a few laughs, a bit of male attention, and to wear my ever-successful red sundress. Safe to say I got all three!
…oh and I’m not ‘in a relationship’ or ‘dating’ I am most definitely … ‘chilling’
Apart from my Mum (who received my certificate), My Dad (who forked out tens of thousands of dollars for my education – assisted by Mum), and a couple of close friends that the topic came up with – I really haven’t publicised my university graduation. In fact, I’m not even in Perth to attend it, I’ve moved to quite literally the other side of the country and in all honesty, couldn’t be happier.
After five-and-a-half years at university, part of a psychology degree and a year of primary teaching – I graduated with a BA Journalism. It’s not like I was chained to a desk my entire degree, sleeping at the library or drinking red bull upon red bull drink. But I overcame a number of personal adversities throughout my degree, and that makes me pretty proud that I made it through to the end.
I may not have a photo in a black robe, holding a scroll that can hang on my parent’s wall forever… But what I do have is a job in a big city, full of opportunity, some incredible life experiences and the intrinsic drive to make sure my degree (and hefty student debt) plays a role in my future.
I’m also the first person in my family – and extended family – to ever receive a degree. So despite having one of the most under-the-radar graduations – It’s still pretty f****g cool.
I’m sure it’s happened to you – at least once. When that guy or girl you’ve been talking to, dating, and maybe even sleeping with – disappears without a trace. No message, no call, no form of goodbye whatsoever. Just a deafening silence and reiteration of your single status echoing in your mind. You, my beautiful friends, have been ghosted.
Believe it or not, ghosting is actually in the Oxford Dictionary –
‘The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.’
NB: I’d like to add another facet which can often come along with the act of ghosting – the fact that they seemingly haunt your social media with their regular ‘liking’ of memes, and all-but consistent ‘active now‘ status.
I used to be the ghostee – watching men fade into the blackness after I put my best foot, leg, dress whatever it was – forward. Wondering what I did wrong. Did they find another girl? Did I have lettuce in my teeth the entire date? Was I too boisterous and insane? (probably) But whatever it was – they were gone. But recently – I have become the ghoster…
I was new to Sydney, two weeks old in fact, and I thought – well I’ve got no friends here yet and I really feel like a glass of wine (or three) and a nice meal. Yes, I guess that means I wanted a date. So I was talking to this guy – on Tinder – come on guys its 2017 there’s no shame anymore. I thought, he seemed friendly, attractive (but not so attractive that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate or feel way out of my depth) and fairly ‘normal’. Long story short, following a lengthy chat about our mutual love for dumplings and asian food and a few basic conversation topics – we ended up making a plan to meet for dinner in the city, at a nice restaurant chain called Din Tai Fung.
Let me just break down the things I didn’t like about the date so I don’t have to give you a long winded version.
- He said he knew what was good to order – giving me little-to-no input (big mistake boys, we love food)
- When I made the waiter linger for about 2.5 minutes while I irritatingly slowly picked a bottle of wine – he told me I don’t need to apologise to the waiter.
- The whole date he would talk about how things he was doing or stories he was telling me were the ‘first of many’ and how he’ll slowly reveal more about himself in time.
- Was just generally a little too presumptuous that i’d be back.
So following dessert and not even a cent spent on my behalf (making this all the worse) the date ended, on a street corner in the city, around 10:30pm on a Saturday night. I called an Uber and we awkwardly hugged goodbye.
As my butt sat down on the front passenger seat of that black Toyota Camry, I breathed an exhausted and relaxing sigh of absolute relief. I was free. I am very in tune with my feelings and emotions, and all I know is – if I can feel that happy that a date is over, it’s no longer worth my time or thought in this very brief life.
But I felt awkward… what was I going to do? This guy made it feel like he saw us with a future together, he made plans, told me his goals and scarily stared into my eyes like we were stood at the altar. But I couldn’t face it, I couldn’t blatantly reject him – especially after my facade that I had in-fact very much enjoyed myself.
So there, in that Uber on the way home, I deleted Tinder.
I have no idea if he ever spoke to me again… And I don’t even know his last name. I guess now I’m a ghost?
Have you ever ghosted someone?
So let’s be honest, it looks like I failed the 30 day challenge. But I’m back from the blogging dead to haunt your computer/smartphone screen. I truly think I got to the post where I supposedly had to reveal ‘my opinion toward mainstream music’ and it just lost me. I mean I don’t even have one – if it sounds good, I can dance to it, and have a little sing along i’m fine with it! I worked at one of Perth’s number one commercial and mainstream radio stations for more than a year for christ sake. Anyway… i’ll get back into my regular diary-style, personal growth blogging I think.
It’s time for a monthly goals post – but first…
- Read the majority of my news bulletins, completely mistake-free! I’m not doing this yet, but my voice has really improved and my confidence on-air has too so i’m really proud of my progress.
- Write engaging, succinct and entertaining scripts for my show-reel. Done and dusted! Can’t wait to get it back!
- Upload two more well-edited ‘Vlog’ style videos to my YouTube channel. Hmm, only did one
- Learn how to put together bulletins and learn off-by-heart the lengths, times and schedules by which they run. I’m going to say no, I do know the times and lengths but I haven’t been properly shown by Di yet.
- Write faster at work. YEP! Getting faster every day, my copy is very fast, my cuts may need a little speeding up every now and then.
- Ask more insightful, probing and educated interview questions at work. Every now and then.
- Write at least two longer opinion-based blog posts. Well yeh! I did five ’30 day challenge’ posts!
- Go on a one hour designated walk (where you wear exercise gear!) once per week. Oh god… Come on Jenna
- Feel self confident every single day. Yes
- Cook your favourite + really delicious couscous salad to take to work. This one totally isn’t my fault, our oven is broken so I can’t roast any vegetables!
- Read more bulletins mistake free (I’m completely aware it really is nearly impossible not to make mistakes – but I do feel like sometimes I make silly ones.
- Pre-film three YouTube videos to get ahead.
- Go on hour-long walks twice a week – the weather is really starting to warm up here now so hopefully this will be increasingly easier.
- Learn how to run a shift as news editor – putting together bulletins, e-mail system, timings for finance changes.
- Write at least four blog posts (not including this) before the end of the month.
- Get bed sheets and pillow cases dry-cleaned and pressed – gotta look after the Sheridan.
- Tidy and organise my fridge and pantry.
- Sweep and organise the backyard
There’s not many goals there… I really just couldn’t think of many, I don’t know if that is good or bad? But I will certainly do my very best to get them completed in the next 21 days! As usual… let you know how I go!
This is a tough one as I don’t usually share things about my love-life online, but hey, its part of the challenge. I am going to base this on the boyfriend I had in my late teens – as my latest boyfriend seems to jump in and out of my life still, and therefore I do not yet consider him to be an ‘ex’.
So here goes…
Thankyou for showing me I deserve to be loved for my complete and honest self. For accepting every facet of who I am and proving that I don’t have to be anything or anyone other than ‘me’ to deserve the love and respect of another.
Thankyou for letting me be a big part of your life and family. For letting me in on your secrets, fears and thoughts. Thankyou for trusting me with your personal problems and listening to my advice.
Thankyou for making me laugh, smile, and feel confidence at such a young and impressionable period of my life; for making an effort with my Dad and my sister, and just being a kind and sweet person in general.
I’m sorry I stopped loving you.
I never meant to hurt you as much as I did and if I could take certain things back from the aftermath of our break-up I would.
I’m sure we can both agree we were young, too young, and needed to figure out life for ourself before we could even attempt to have some sort of life together.
Even though everything went to s**t, I have nothing but respect for you as a human, wish you all the best in your current/future relationships and see your future as very, very bright (I dated you after all!)
So for this one I have amalgamated notes I jotted down [very] early this morning, along with a few I typed out in my phone throughout the day. At the time I thought it was a little weird just writing down my blatant actions/thoughts – but looking back you realise how many little thoughts and feelings you discard as the day goes on. I put times next to each point to give you more of an idea of the schedule.
- 3:27am – I have literally had three hours sleep, I already can’t wait to get home and have a nap.
- 3:35am – Calling Uber to pick me up.
- 3:40am – Uber is on its way – bloody 1.5x surge pricing on Sunday mornings.
- 4:00am – I’ll be here at work until 12, these shifts go pretty fast though.
- 8:12am – On break now, laying on the couch in the middle of the station – lucky nobody is here on weekends!
- 8:50am – May as well head back to do some work.
- 12:15pm – I’m free!
- 1:00pm – Not overly hungry but i’ll make some lunch so I can have a nice sleep.
- 5:14pm – Just woke up from a nap and thought it was tomorrow – I wonder if this happens to other people!
- 6:00pm – I wish I had the money to eat nicer food – looks like I’m having scrambled eggs on toast.
- 6:15pm – Watched a Muchelleb YouTube video which inspired me to do an online personality test – apparently I’m a ‘consul’ – I think I’ll make a YouTube video about it…
- 6:27pm – Writing today’s blog post laying in bed – pretty much perfection.
And here I am… I understand it wasn’t my ‘entire’ day but it was a fun experiment regardless. I do wish it was on a day off as it doesn’t really seem all that riveting or entertaining! But hey… a little slice of reality for ya!