I’m sure it’s happened to you – at least once. When that guy or girl you’ve been talking to, dating, and maybe even sleeping with – disappears without a trace. No message, no call, no form of goodbye whatsoever. Just a deafening silence and reiteration of your single status echoing in your mind. You, my beautiful friends, have been ghosted.
Believe it or not, ghosting is actually in the Oxford Dictionary –
‘The practice of ending a personal relationship with someone by suddenly and without explanation withdrawing from all communication.’
NB: I’d like to add another facet which can often come along with the act of ghosting – the fact that they seemingly haunt your social media with their regular ‘liking’ of memes, and all-but consistent ‘active now‘ status.
I used to be the ghostee – watching men fade into the blackness after I put my best foot, leg, dress whatever it was – forward. Wondering what I did wrong. Did they find another girl? Did I have lettuce in my teeth the entire date? Was I too boisterous and insane? (probably) But whatever it was – they were gone. But recently – I have become the ghoster…
I was new to Sydney, two weeks old in fact, and I thought – well I’ve got no friends here yet and I really feel like a glass of wine (or three) and a nice meal. Yes, I guess that means I wanted a date. So I was talking to this guy – on Tinder – come on guys its 2017 there’s no shame anymore. I thought, he seemed friendly, attractive (but not so attractive that I wouldn’t be able to concentrate or feel way out of my depth) and fairly ‘normal’. Long story short, following a lengthy chat about our mutual love for dumplings and asian food and a few basic conversation topics – we ended up making a plan to meet for dinner in the city, at a nice restaurant chain called Din Tai Fung.
Let me just break down the things I didn’t like about the date so I don’t have to give you a long winded version.
- He said he knew what was good to order – giving me little-to-no input (big mistake boys, we love food)
- When I made the waiter linger for about 2.5 minutes while I irritatingly slowly picked a bottle of wine – he told me I don’t need to apologise to the waiter.
- The whole date he would talk about how things he was doing or stories he was telling me were the ‘first of many’ and how he’ll slowly reveal more about himself in time.
- Was just generally a little too presumptuous that i’d be back.
So following dessert and not even a cent spent on my behalf (making this all the worse) the date ended, on a street corner in the city, around 10:30pm on a Saturday night. I called an Uber and we awkwardly hugged goodbye.
As my butt sat down on the front passenger seat of that black Toyota Camry, I breathed an exhausted and relaxing sigh of absolute relief. I was free. I am very in tune with my feelings and emotions, and all I know is – if I can feel that happy that a date is over, it’s no longer worth my time or thought in this very brief life.
But I felt awkward… what was I going to do? This guy made it feel like he saw us with a future together, he made plans, told me his goals and scarily stared into my eyes like we were stood at the altar. But I couldn’t face it, I couldn’t blatantly reject him – especially after my facade that I had in-fact very much enjoyed myself.
So there, in that Uber on the way home, I deleted Tinder.
I have no idea if he ever spoke to me again… And I don’t even know his last name. I guess now I’m a ghost?
Have you ever ghosted someone?